Penetrated and misunderstood.

There is a medical examination that we men need to do after a certain age. Something we joke amongst ourselves about with horrified delight. Anyway, my wife pushed me to make an appointment in the end. I didn't sleep well the night before and worried about the examination and the results.

When I get home after the appointment, I feel relieved and therefore also a bit happy. My wife is waiting anxiously when I (with a slightly shuffling gait) enter the kitchen and sit down.

-How did it go?

-Well, it was disgusting of course.

-Then you might understand how it is for us women to go for a mammogram or to the gynaecologist.

-It's not the same thing, is it?

-Why is that?

-Well, you do it all the time so you get used to it somehow.

-No, we don't.

-Alright, but this was all the same very hard for me. Even though she said everything was fine.

-She?

-Yes, it was a female doctor.

-Really? My wife looks at me long and searchingly.

-Well, that explains a lot.

-What do you mean by that?

-Nothing. But it was a bit convenient that it was a woman, don't you think?

-Well, the hospital chose who would examine me, not me.

-But you did get a name of the doctor before you went?

-Yes, of course.

-And it was obviously not Dr Lennart?

-No, and it didn't matter. I might even have preferred a woman to examine me.

-Yes, I can imagine that. That's why you didn't say anything to me before?

-Are you jealous...?

-Because a woman sticks a finger up your arse? I don't think so.

-Then there was the ultrasound too. A long fucking rod ....

-There you go. Like a dessert.

-Oh give me a break! Maybe I should have ignored the examination and suffered an unstoppable cancer later?

She just shakes her head in response.

-It was you who pushed me to go! I say.

-But I didn't expect you to come home looking like you got a refund on your taxes.

-Maybe I'm relieved that it's over? Isn't that a pretty normal reaction?

She thinks for a moment before she laughs and looks at me a little tenderly.

-Yes, sorry. You're right, you're right. Maybe I'm just a bit nervous about my own visit to the gynaecologist next week. Although Magnus is very good and easy on the hand.

-Magnus?

Rebel without an audience

Recently, I watched a man set fire to one of the world's most read books in the centre of Stockholm. He shouted that he had freedom of speech and was exercising his right to provoke and question things. No one stopped or cared, even though it was on a busy street. And, striking: Not a single one of the most devoted, who know the book by heart and have seen the film adaptations countless times, cared. The police came, of course, but that was because of the fire ban in the city. They stamped out the fire and told the man to pick up after himself and go home.

I happened to meet the man's downcast look as he threw scorched book scraps into a rubbish bin. Naturally he started talking to me. Maybe I look friendly? Or perhaps I emit a scent that narcissists and conspiracy theorists can smell for miles? Like flies to poo, I thought and realised simultaneously that I needed to work on my self-image.

-What kind of believers are they? Who don't get furious as I desecrated and destroyed their holy book?" he asked me with something resigned in his voice.

-They are not provoked because they are enlightened people who can distinguish fiction from reality. They are secure in their love for the hero and are fully aware that "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" is a fairy tale where nothing has happened in real life. And if an occasional fan believes that it did happen, they also believe in a powerful figure capable of punishing people.

-Dumbledore? the man asked dejectedly.

-More like Lord Voldemort.

-Damn, how am I going to do to get attention now? sighed the man.

-I'm no expert in the field, but maybe you should focus on a different target group than children and teenagers? They haven't learnt to be offended yet. I would target men. They are the worst at school, don't read anything and are by far the most easily offended people on the planet. They tend to get violent when you disagree with them or when they don't understand.

-So in concrete terms, what do you think I should do?

-Fight for a total ban on wolf hunting or for football clubs to take full financial responsibility for the social costs of their huligan supporters.

He looked at me in disgust.

-Are you completely insane? We're not letting the wolf population take over and kill animals randomly, are we? And the clubs shouldn't be penalised because they have supporters who love football? Bloody idiot! he concluded and walked away.

I couldn't tell if he was upset, sad or angry. In the end, I decided that he was probably offended.